Key to Orgasm: Male Chastity Guide

So, you and your partner have been discussing trying out new things in your sex life. Vanilla sex is great, but there’s no reason why you wouldn’t spice it up a little bit, is there? You’ve always wanted to feel what it would be like to be the one in charge and get your man to do whatever you want. He, on the other hand, is into being bossed around, but he doesn’t really know what it’s actually like. You’re both first-timers, and now you’re here, reading this article.

There are several books written about how to approach playing the chastity game. The two of the most notable ones are Lucy Fairbourne’s “Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders“ and Georgia Ivey Green’s “A KeyHolder’s Handbook: A Woman’s Guide To Male Chastity.“ These books will teach you how to get into it and stop being shy, embarrassed, or uncomfortable talking dirty to him in bed. After practicing it for years, these books will show you how experts at playing the game do it.

As you’ll see by the information in these handbooks, male chastity is essentially a sex game where you tease and torment your partner. When you lock his manhood up in a chastity device, it’s not about torture, but rather about power play. To do it correctly, you have to follow a few guidelines.

Keep a Designated Key for Emergency

If you’ve never done it before, becoming a dominant partner can be terrifying for any woman. As your male sub hands over control entirely to you, having a happier sex life will depend on you. You get to choose what happens at what pace, and that’s a lot of responsibility. But, let’s get to the basics of it.

The mechanics of chastity play are as follows. Your submissive male partner will put on a chastity toy (a cock cage, for instance) on his dick. That way, he will not be able to get an erection until he takes off the device. He locks the cage and gives you the key to it, thereby giving you the ownership of his orgasm. 

You can do many things with that key. For example, you can hide it somewhere out of your boy toy’s reach, or you can stash it away for an extended period. Some people even go so far as to ingest it and wait for it to come the other way. Anyhow, you should always have a spare key on the side in case of emergency. Sometimes, you can put the cage on wrong (making it too tight, for instance) which can cause physical damage. Or, simply, someone can knock on the door at the wrong time. It’s very important to have a designated key for emergencies to avoid any mishaps. Another idea to avoid mishaps with the cage is to always read the product descriptions to learn how to operate the cage properly.

Communicate With Your Partner About the Rules You Created

It’s paramount to establish rules and boundaries before you go into it. As a sub, your partner will put his trust completely in you. You need to live up to his expectations as well as yours. Make sure you’re completely in control of what’s going on. It’s tempting to dive headfirst into it, but you will be treading in uncharted waters. Anything can happen there.

Remember, BDSM has that SSC rule: it has to be safe, sane, and consensual. If your partner is not into what you’re doing to him, then it’s not BDSM. It’s a different four-letter word that starts with an “R.” You have to pay attention to your partner’s needs, as he has to feel as much pleasure from this game as you do. When you establish the rules, both of you will know what’s okay and what isn’t. That way, you’ll avoid a situation where one partner’s been pushing the other into involuntary actions. Remember, you control his orgasm, not his personality.

Use Safe Words

The rules mentioned above serve to set boundaries for what’s acceptable. Limits in BDSM are an individual thing, and they vary from one person to another. But, BDSM is all about power play. The dominant partner (you) gets to choose what happens and how you punish or reward your sub. There has to be an element of you pushing him. However, sometimes you will go too far and make him do something he won’t stand for. To make sure this sex game remains pleasurable for both, it’s crucial you introduce safe words.

The use of a safe word is not a sign of weakness or unwillingness. It’s simply a method for the sub to show that you’re going above their limit. Once your sub utters the safe word, you can stop and re-discuss the rules you’ve set. That is especially handy at first when subs don’t truly know how far they can go.

Putting the Chastity on Him

It’s quite powerful if you’re the one who puts a male chastity device on your partner, especially in long-term chastity. That way, it’s not something he does and hands over the key through his own volition. No, it’s you that does it, the same way you take your phone and press the lock button. It’s a perfect way to establish your ownership over his orgasm! He’ll feel more dependent on you and your wishes, and you’ll find it easier to order him around. 


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