Sexual denial is a practice of preventing your partner or yourself from reaching an orgasm. At first glance, this may look like something unfavorable. Why would you want to deny yourself one of life’s greatest pleasures? Isn’t the end goal of intercourse reaching a climax? Well, there are many reasons behind the practice, and this article can serve as a guide to orgasm denial.
This element of control is what makes it a common part of various BDSM plays. By managing when your partner is able to experience relief, doms exert their dominance over their subs. This can be as tantalizing and stimulating as any kink that includes inflicting pain.
Still, erotic sexual denial is not reserved for sex dungeons and dominatrix people. Couples who practice vanilla sex can use it to spice things up. It’s a wonderful technique for turning great orgasms into earth-shattering explosions of joy. What’s best, this also works with solo play. With little effort, your masturbation session can get steamier and wilder.
What Is Erotic Sexual Denial?
Every sexual act, be it solo play or intercourse, has several stages. It starts with arousal — this is when you get into the mood for sex. Men get an erection; women get wet. Then comes stimulation when you can hit a plateau. Basically, that is the entire part during which you build up to an orgasm.
During your arousal and plateau phase, the body keeps secreting hormones, and your muscles contract. This ends when you climax, after which your brain releases dopamine, a hormone of happiness, and you feel relaxed. The trick is to prolong the period before the orgasm so that your body keeps pumping hormones, and the tension in your muscles builds up.
Because of this hormonal cocktail, the clitoris gets more sensitive, and it is more susceptible to stimulation. Similarly, the penis gets harder and more engorged, and the head also becomes more sensitive. Adding the prolonged muscle tension of the plateau, once you finally climax, the pay off is considerably more gratifying and intense than your standard orgasm.
It’s a form of investment where you sacrifice your instant pleasure for the purpose of a much greater sensation later down the road.
Ways to Deny Gratification
Like many kinks and sexual proclivities, your imagination is what dictates your limits and desires. If you’re a beginner who would like to dip a toe in this activity, here are some tips/guides to sexual denial.
Edging
You take your partner to the edge of orgasm, and you quickly prevent it — hence the name edging! This is something you can practice voluntarily, during sex, or while masturbating. The other option is for your partner to dictate this. Basically, you end stimulation, usually by a sudden stop in movement or a change of pace.
This has several benefits aside from enhancing your climax experience. Primarily, it can make intercourse last longer. Men who have problems with premature ejaculation can use this technique to improve their performance. On the other hand, couples who want to climax at the same moment will probably use such a technique.
Tying and Teasing
Though edging can be practiced in non-kink sex sessions, it can be an integral part of BDSM play. The sub gives all their control to the dom, and this includes control over their orgasms. The partner in the position of power can control when the moment for sexual release is due and if it should come at all.
This playful teasing can be bothersome, ecstatic, and delightfully excruciating, usually simultaneously. To make the experience more intense, couples often employ bondage techniques or restraining accessories and toys. The sub is restrained, and they cannot move or have any agency in their climax during sex sessions.
This partner writhes in frustration, and the desire for a climax gets overwhelming. Should the dom decide they may get the resolution, it is otherworldly joy.
Chastity Play
This denial game can be taken onto the next level with forced abstinence. A single partner is prevented from any form of gratification or even arousal. Usually, there’s some kind of sex-aid involved. Men wear cock cages, and women can wear chastity belts. These are accessories that disable people from playing with themselves or have erections altogether.
Commonly, it’s the male partners that are subs, and their penises are in lock-mode. The mistress holds the key, and she dictates when he can have any form of pleasure. There is a system of reward and punishment. Finally, when men do get to cum, it is mind-altering.
Tips to Do It Properly
Here are some tips to help you do it the right way.
Mastery of Hitting the Breaks
When people are about to climax, their neurons are firing like crazy. This means your nerves are highly active. What people do is they tone down the exciting actions. A quick change of pace, pose, or movements can do the trick. Men can pull out, and the stimulation of the clitoris should stop abruptly.
Sometimes, this sudden stop is enough, but if a person is already over-excited, they might come to an uncontrolled climax, and it can feel like a dud. For this reason, some people use pain as an inhibitor — slapping or pinching body parts to create discomfort and steer away. You can even give a slight slap on the genital region to numb the organ.
If you’re practicing this on yourself, this is a great way to prolong your intercourse or solo play. However, if you’re doing it to your partner, it will drive them crazy. They might even beg you to let them come.
How do you last long in bed? Know it here.
Mind Over Matter
At its core, erotic sexual denial is a form of the mind-game powerplay. You’re teasing your partner. In these cases, the expectation of torture and pleasure excites them. So you tell your lover in advance all the things you’re going to do to them or prevent them from doing. They’ll have time to fantasize about it, and they’ll get super horny before actual sex.
You can develop a system of reward and punishment so that the partner can work hard to please you, and in turn, you please them. This erotic game can grow bigger and bigger until it encompasses your everyday life and not just several hours in the bedroom. Your partner might start daydreaming about you while the sexual yearning grows.
Communication and Rules
Like in any BDSM kink or similar practices, communication is key. You and your partner need to verbalize and articulate well what your expectations and wishes are. Set some rules and be clear about what is unacceptable. BDSM is not about chaotic force; it’s about the connection between partners and exploring desires.
If you haven’t practiced sexual denial yet, don’t be shy and give it a go. It is a great way to spice up your bedroom life. It is also an excellent first step for couples who want to try out BDSM. Having a quick orgasm is everyone’s cup of tea, but sometimes, we need to wait for truly amazing experiences.
